5:30 am thoughts..

hmm i hope this doesn't become a habit. cuz 830-530 days do not run well on 6 hrs of sleep.

ever wake up in the middle of the night/very early in the morning and feel like you're the only person in the world?

maybe it's because i've mostly been living on my own for the past one and a half years at school, which is pretty much as far out in vancouver as anyone can go? maybe it's because there are always people in my dreams, but i when i wake up, i wake up alone.

sometimes i wonder if anyone else out there feels the same things as i do? or maybe i'm alone in that too..

this isn't supposed to be an 'emo blog' (as my bf would call it). i actually feel better now that i ate a banana and am blogging. amazing how much more connected to the world technology can make you feel..well, technology and bananas.

.....

what an interesting moment we shared today. feeling like you are going to lose something one minute and then understanding it can never be lost the next is definitely indescribable.

i never knew someone could love me so much.
me, a chubby forth grader who sucked ketchup from its packets, a rebellious teenager who once tried to run away but was too scared to go with it at the end of her block, an adolescent who totaled her car in the summer she got her license and never drove since, a young woman who didn't know what she wanted in life and ventured out, only to have her heart broken..

you love me for all of that and more (of course, maybe you didn't know some of those things and now may have changed your mind ;) ).

i wouldn't dream of leaving you. you've taught me so much just by being who you are and made me realize people are lying when they say "some things are too good to be true". you've taught me how great love can be, and as a result of comparison how much greater and intangible God's love must be. most of all, you made me realize what i never knew.

i never knew i could love someone this much.